How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
