do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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