did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
