Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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