What did we do last night that was yellow?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
