I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
