I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this beer tastes like vomit already
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
