Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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