the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
