I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
