Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
