she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
