Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
