yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
