so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
