Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
