he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
