That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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