Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
