no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What a dumb baby whore.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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