I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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