bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
