You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it was like eating out sand paper
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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