Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
