I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
