My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
