the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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