oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
