I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
