I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
