I'm lost and stupid without you.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
