I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
