I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
