she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
