And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
