i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
