Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
