but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
