Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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