Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
