best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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