okay pat passed out under dana's car
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
