and you said cock pushups were impossible
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
