I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
