imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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