Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
