I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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