Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
