I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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