he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
