Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
