This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
